Opening Jokes

Joke about Brandy Lamb's REI seamstress being so intense she gets on Brandy's nerves — 'par for the course.'

Opening jingle followed by a hat pun: two scout hats went hiking — one got worn out, the other went on ahead.

Clarke tells a story about older Scouts obsessed with Beavis and Butthead, and how he got them to stop by enthusiastically joining in himself.

Bill McFarland's pun joke: 'You can't run through a campsite. You can only ran through a campsite' — a play on past tense.

Opening joke about Clarke wanting to teach Scouts about cloud formations and weather systems, then deciding it was all over their heads.

Cold weather jokes: words freezing in mid-air and needing a frying pan to have a conversation.

Opening joke: Clarke drives to the state forest to photograph a bear, sees a 'Bear Left' sign, and goes home.

Opening joke: 'The Scoutmaster's bunk at summer camp hasn't been made up yet.'

Opening joke: a boy scout, girl scout, rabbi, priest, and politician walk into a bar — the bartender asks if it's some kind of joke.

Opening joke: if a Scouter is alone in the forest with no scouts around and they speak, will they still be ignored?

Scout at summer camp wears seven pairs of socks to avoid changing socks every day — 'efficiency expert'.

Opening with Clarke noting his return after a gap and introducing podcast number 361.

Mosquito joke: Scouts retreat to tents at sunset as lightning bugs arrive — one Scout quips the mosquitoes are now 'coming after us with flashlights.' Joke credited to Dan Dinkin, Scoutmaster Troop 97, Baltimore Area Council.

Opening joke about Troop 38 in New Berlin, Wisconsin trading a sausage for a native shorebird — a pun on 'taking a tern for the wurst,' shared by Scoutmaster Matt Weiss.

Opening joke about orienteering 'points' and combing hair to hide them, inspired by listener Bill McFarland.

Opening clip of Kevin Callan praising winter wilderness camping and the character-building value of Scout trips in cold conditions.

Hiking joke: Clarke laughs at mountains because they're 'hill areas' — a pun on 'hilarious'.

Opening jingle followed by a pun about a scout who climbed a tree to cook his dinner — 'the stakes were just too high.'

The penguin joke: two penguins paddling a canoe through the Sahara Desert exchange a non-sequitur punchline about a paddle.

Coin under the pillow / sleeping quarters pun.

Opening theme followed by Clarke's brief hello and episode number announcement.

Opening joke about trails being 'all over camp' and a cot joke that 'hasn't been made up yet'.

Opening joke: Scouts ask about mosquito repellent — Clarke says mosquitoes do a pretty good job of repelling themselves.

Scoutmaster Owen Wilson of Troop 868 in Peoria, AZ introduces the episode. Opening joke from Mark Eshin of Troop 72 in San Bruno, CA: a scout took something from his mother's kitchen for a camping trip — it was a whisk ('he was willing to take a whisk').

Opening joke about the 'Tutankhamen effect' — a fictional study from the Large Baden Collider claiming people in mummy sleeping bags experience urinary urgency inversely proportional to temperature and zipper difficulty.

Chris Coppola of Troop 301 in Ontario, CA sponsors the episode; opening joke about a scout whose stew contained bugs — 'you guys are such wimps, I told you the bugs would just add flavor.'

Clarke observes that Scouts turn into zombies in the rain, forgetting how tarps and rain gear work.

Opening joke: how many Scouts are in the troop — 'on paper 36, but when we round them up we get 40.'

Jill Wilfing of Algonquin District introduces the podcast; opening joke about 'Canoeber' — an Uber-style canoe taxi app covering the Boundary Waters canoe area.

Two penguins and a boy scout walk into a convenience store carrying a canoe; the clerk asks if it's some kind of joke.

Opening joke: a Scout was overbearing during an orienteering activity — he has a 'magnetic personality.'

Opening joke: a tent with scouts and sleeping bags is, from a bear's perspective, soft burritos in a carry-out container.

Opening with two jokes: a nearly blind man falling down a well, and a sleeping dinosaur called 'Clark Green and a dinosaur', sourced from Boys' Life.

Opening joke: it was so warm at their campfire camping trip that they sat around it to cool off.

Opening joke from Sean Mitchell, Troop 27, Snyder TX: the difference between a day hiker, a weekender, and a through-hiker — told by a southbound hiker two days from finishing.

Opening joke: tried to tell a joke about a sidewalk but it was already all over town.

Joke about a cot in a tent at camp that hasn't been made up yet.

Opening joke: a Scout wearing jumper cables instead of a neckerchief — 'just don't start anything.'

Mitch Tansby from Troop 404 in Oldman Beach, FL sponsors the episode; opening quip: 'Camping when the weather is clear and sunny is just plain old camping. Camping when the weather is interesting, that's scouting.'

How many Scouts does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes four days because Scouts do a good turn daily.

Opening joke from Shane Adams, Scoutmaster of Troop 99: how to avoid injuries from biting insects — don't bite the insects.

Opening reflection on sensitivity vs. resilience as complementary character traits.

Opening joke about wearing dark goggles in preparation for camping in bright winter snow — but 'can't see myself wearing them.'

Opening joke/reflection: facing a challenge depends on perspective — don't mistake a molehill for a mountain or vice versa.

Opening quote from listener Paul Teal: 'Everything we do is for the Scouts, but we don't do everything for the Scouts.'

Andy Preiser of Troop 3, Point Pleasant NJ introduces the episode. Opening joke: a scout wants to bring a piano camping because he thinks it will provide several cords of firewood.

Opening joke about nylon tents not being soundproof booths and scouts not realizing it.

Opening joke: research from the 'Baden Collider' in Switzerland reveals mosquito numbers are inversely proportional to available repellent.

Opening joke: if a Scouter is alone in the forest with no Scouts around and gives a direction, will he still be ignored?

Three-part pun joke about a Scout declining troop historian and bugler roles before becoming troop librarian — 'hardcover warning at camp.'

Opening reflection on the Orlando tragedy; Clarke encourages Scouters to talk with Scouts about tragic events, offer perspective, and find constructive action, echoing Fred Rogers' advice to 'look for the helpers.'

Opening joke about sitting quietly while camping and feeling the earth spin on its axis.

Opening joke about Schrödinger's Feast — scout-cooked food remains in a superposition of burnt and raw until someone dares to eat it, credited to Scoutmaster Bill McFarland of Troop 172, Pittsfield, Massachusetts.

Two immutable laws of camping physics: level ground diminishes as daylight fades, and distance to campsites increases with temperature.

Opening joke: Clarke, Walter Underwood, and Mark Ray riff on collective nouns for Webelos — 'a swarm,' 'a chaos,' 'an explosion of Webelos.'

Mark Twain 'Twain Effect' quote about a father's apparent wisdom growing as his son ages from 14 to 21.

Opening joke about loving camping as long as nature doesn't commune back with mosquitoes or bears.

Opening joke: an assistant scoutmaster claims he saw a deer in his pajamas while camping.

Opening joke from Bill McFarland: had insomnia wondering where the sun had gone, then it dawned on him.

Jeffrey Brown of Troop 273 sponsors the episode; opening joke about Shane Adams trying to catch fog at summer camp and missing it.

Opening joke about the 'Victorinox Ephemerality' — the scientific mystery of why Swiss Army Knife toothpicks and tweezers only seem to exist in pictures, never in actual knives.

Andy McDonald of Troop 631 in Oviedo, Florida introduces the episode; opening joke about the 'Tootin Common Effect' — the inverse relationship between sleeping bag zipper difficulty and urgency of exit in cold weather.

Opening joke: an acorn defined as 'an oak tree in a nutshell' — credited to Shane Adams.

Opening joke from Don Fowler, Scoutmaster of Troop 95 in Sparta, NJ: a Scout walking around in freezing temperatures wearing shorts claims he's fine because he has 'three layers of shorts on.'

Joke about microwave sleeping bags — eight hours of sleep in ten minutes.

Opening joke: a scout says it would be cool to be Swiss because 'the flag is a big plus'.

Opening joke about a scout 'lost' in the Austrian Alps who was actually hiding — a Sound of Music reference.

Paul Farley of Pack 525 in Peachtree Corners, GA introduces the episode; Clarke opens with a geographical/bearing pun about a former Scout working in Alaska.

Opening joke: How many Scouts does it take to start a campfire? Only two or three, but they are very, very difficult to light.

Opening joke: How many Scouts does it take to start a campfire? Only two or three, but they are very difficult to light.

Opening joke: a time traveler comes into the campsite — punchline about not having time for time travelers.

Opening joke: men find inspiration looking at a bald eagle, but the eagle looking at a bald man is not inspired at all.

Opening joke about a campfire that froze — the solution is to chip off the frozen flames and pocket them to stay warm.

Opening joke: a nervous adult scouter at the climbing tower asks how many times Scouts fall off — 'usually once is enough.'

Opening joke: Clarke's theory that Santa is a Scouter — he has a beard, wears a uniform, drives an ancient vehicle, and his clothes are tarnished with ashes and soot.

Christopher Simone of Troop 71, Plandome NY sponsors the episode; Clarke jokes that winter camping is full of misery and suffering — and it's all over much too soon.

Opening joke about a troop trying to buy a 'water buffalo' water tank — the senior patrol leader suggests getting two hydrogen buffalos and one oxygen buffalo. Submitted by Tony Lacaba, ASM Troop 581, Bristow, Virginia.

Opening joke: a Scout accuses another of stealing his pocket knife, saying he's judging not by appearances but by 'disappearances.'

Eagle Scout at his board of review declines to provide personal references, saying the board members look trustworthy enough.

Opening joke: Clarke bets his Scouts he can jump higher than any house — the trick is that houses can't jump.

Opening joke about how many things in Scouting 'go without saying' — except everything a Scout needs to pack for a camping trip.

Opening joke: a scout mistakes his Game Boy for a GPS, leading his partner to realize they're truly lost.

Mark Van Lund of Troop 125 in Commack, NY sponsors the episode. Opening joke from Jim Hilliard: a trainee at Scout leader training quips 'especially if you are dad' when told the hardest call after a Scout gets hurt is calling mom.

Opening joke about scouts doing something stupid at 'that time of life' — their heart was in the right place, just not their brain.

Opening joke about camping in clear weather being ordinary, but camping in 'interesting' weather being Scout camping.

Opening joke: the reason one side of a Canada goose V-formation is longer than the other is simply because there are more geese on that side.

King Richard III joke: 'Now is the winter of our discount tents.'

Terry Gerard of Troop 44, Consville, Oklahoma sponsors; joke about the 'Large Baden Collider' discovering the 'water filter temporal distortion' — the stated filter time in minutes actually takes that many hours.

Opening joke: Roald Amundsen quote — 'an adventure is merely a bit of bad planning.'

Opening joke: a Buffalo father says goodbye to his son at Scout Camp with a 'bison' pun; attributed to Scoutmaster Bill McFarland of Pittsfield, Massachusetts.

Opening joke about scouts spotting a moose in Algonquin Provincial Park and not knowing if it was a bull or a cow — 'No, it was a moose.'

Tim Jakes of Troop 93 sponsors the episode; Clarke introduces this as an archival summer episode featuring an interview with Canadian outdoor author Kevin Callan.

Daniel Desjardins introduces the episode; Clarke explains this is a summer archive replay and previews the interview with Survivorman Les Stroud about his book 'Will to Live.'

Opening sponsor read by Brian Bluyn of Pack 3285, Rockford, Michigan. Clarke announces a summer encore series and introduces the interview with Mike Malone, author of '4%: The Story of Uncommon Youth in a Century of American Life'.

Opening sponsor read by Tim Jakes of Troop 93, followed by Clarke introducing this as a summer encore episode featuring an interview with ultralight backpacker Andrew Skurka and his book 'The Ultimate Hiker's Gear Guide.'

Opening sponsor read by Chuck Wolf, Troop 342, Raleigh NC. Clarke announces a summer encore series and introduces the interview with authors of 'Working the Patrol Method.'

Tim Jakes of Troop 93 in Westchester, PA introduces the episode. Clarke announces this is a summer archive episode featuring an interview with historian David C. Scott, author of 'The Scouting Party.'

Snake joke: a Scout reports seeing a six-foot snake, and his tent mate replies that everybody knows snakes don't have feet.

Justin Feld of Troop 89, Downers Grove IL introduces the episode. Opening joke: Dave, new to camping, asks where the 'grinder' is when told he needs to put the 'ground cloth' in the tent.

Opening joke about a new Scouter who misunderstood 'two liters deep' from training, thinking he needed to bury soda a foot underground. Credit goes to Steve Jackson, Venture Crew 84, Roland, Missouri.

Scout from troop 404 tells a story about a scout who responded to a neighbor's compound fracture by putting his head between his knees to avoid fainting.

Two listeners — Bryce Liggett and Randy Farmer — independently sent the same joke: 'You can't run in camp, only ran — because it's past tense.'

Opening joke: making soup over a campfire and burning your lips means you ate it before it was cool — 'hipster soup.'

Quote from Horace Kephart on the perennial camper's obsession with perfecting their kit; Clarke notes a PDF resource 'Going Camping, Go Light' at ScoutMasterCG.com and announces episode 268.

Opening joke: camping is full of misery, mud, and discomfort — but it's always over much too soon.

Riddle from listener John Dyer: what is black when you get it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away? (Answer: charcoal, revealed later.)

A park ranger finds a scouter alone after a bear took all the scouts — the scouter isn't worried because the bear got himself into it.

Opening joke: Al Taber wrote the Hokey Pokey — he couldn't pass the swim test because he put his right foot in.

Opening joke: a wise old scouter tells a sleepless scout to listen to the 'symphony of the wild' — the scout complains the crickets are too loud.

Opening joke about a scout sent to get lanterns who returns with six because the quartermaster had tent stakes.

Opening joke about an Eagle Project that hasn't been completed yet — 'I have plenty of time, I really do.'

Scout burns his finger at camp and tells the Scoutmaster — but didn't know he needed ointment.

Opening joke: Babe Ruth was a Scoutmaster who took Scouts camping in the Great Smoky Mountains so they could 'pitch their tents high and outside.'

Opening joke: a Scout leaves mid-Scoutmaster's Minute saying he needs a haircut, and when asked why he didn't go before, says he didn't need one then.

Opening joke: a pony wandered into camp but the Scouts couldn't understand it because it was 'a little horse.'

Triple scoutmaster joke: half a brain = gifted; savings bonds mature; can't have it both ways growing up to be a scoutmaster.

Opening joke about Scouts pioneering a working cannon — couldn't find a Scout of the right caliber.

Opening joke: two kayakers build a fire inside their kayak to stay warm — it sinks, proving 'you can't have your kayak and heat it too.'

Joke/memo about renaming the camp latrine 'Jim' so Scouters can honestly say the first thing they do every morning in camp is go to the gym; submitted by Tony LaClava, ASM Troop 581, Bristow, Virginia.

Joke about 'invisible scout patches' — you've seen them but they're not much to look at.

Opening joke: 17 Scouts playing a game — round them up and you get 20 (17 rounded up is 20).

Opening joke: a Scout wearing jumper cables as a neckerchief substitute — Clarke tells him it's fine as long as he doesn't 'start anything.'

Opening jingle with Dennis Unger sponsor credit; holiday gift joke — everyone on Clarke's list is getting a lashed bridge so 'if they don't like it, they can get over it.'

Will Adamson of the 80th Overmountain Scout Group introduces the episode; Clarke opens with a joke about camping in 'Itchy Coo Park' — everyone dreamt of roasting giant marshmallows and woke to find charred tent poles and missing pillows.

Bear biologists see a sign that says 'Bear Left' — so they go home.

Trail mix joke: the only two ingredients are M&Ms and disappointment.

Opening joke about a troop confusing 'sheepshank' and 'sheet bend' — no such thing as a 'sheep bend'.

Opening joke: 'Where there's smoke, there's fire — obviously whoever said that was not a Scoutmaster.' Sponsored by Christopher Simone, Scoutmaster of Troop 71 in Plendome, New York.

Opening sponsor message from Mark Van Lund, Troop 125, Commack NY; joke about scouts treating nylon tents as soundproof booths.

Opening joke: Clarke's wife's car horn is broken; he fixes a loose connection and she's impressed — 'I'm a scoutmaster: Beep Repair.'

Einstein's definition of insanity vs. the reality of being a Scoutmaster — Bill McFarland argues that doing the same thing and expecting different results isn't insanity, it's just Scoutmastering.

Michael Meninger of the Foothills District, Atlanta Area Council, sponsors the episode; Andy Hall's 'something caught his eye' ophthalmologist joke.

Tony the Clava, Cubmaster with Pack 858 and Troop 581 in Bristol, Virginia, lost his mood ring and doesn't know how to feel about it.

Opening joke: 'If a scouter speaks in the forest and there are no scouts around, will they still be ignored?'

Opening joke about commissioners: you always know you're talking to one because it's among the first things they'll tell you.

Opening joke about Girl Guides learning navigation skills to find their way when out with a Boy Scout.

Opening joke: trying to sharpen a pocket knife — 'there was really no point to it.'

Opening joke about scout camping: waterproof tents, non-stick pans, and fireproof gear — scouts will defeat every claim.

Opening joke from Shane Lehman, 63rd Ottawa: how to stop bacon from curling in the pan — take away their brooms.

Opening jingle with troop cheering from summer camp dining hall; Clarke announces he returned from camp to a full mailbag and will spend the episode answering email questions.

Opening joke: a scout wears seven pairs of socks at once to 'save time' by removing one pair each morning at camp.

Opening jingle followed by a joke about scouts breaking into song — 'they have to break in because they don't have the key.'

Humorous 'report from summer camp' puns: the orienteering counselor has a magnetic personality, aquatics was going swimmingly, first aid instructor couldn't wrap his head around bandaging, and more.

Opening joke: a Scout brings his six-year-old brother to camp carrying crutches and bandages — Clarke told him to bring a 'first aid kid.'

Opening joke from Troop 1882: an older Scout reminds younger ones that 'a Scout is thrifty' does not mean buying your body weight in Skittles at the trading post.

Three Scouters reach a raging river; the woman walks 20 yards upstream and crosses the footbridge while the men over-engineer solutions.

Opening joke from Tom Brer (Scouts Canada, Ottawa) about suggesting scouts make bread at camp — puns on 'pan the idea', 'crusty', 'loaf around'.

Opening joke: a Scout marks an X on the tent floor to remember a great campsite, not realizing they might get a different tent next time.

Opening joke about the name Darnell making someone a good fighter in third grade.

Opening joke about a Scout betting another he couldn't climb a cliff and cook dinner on top — 'the stakes were just too high.'

Opening joke: a Tenderfoot Scout mishears 'world's largest fish tank' and asks how fish drive a tank.

Clarke shares a series of meta-jokes about not being able to find a good scout joke, cycling through puns about pizza, sidewalks, clouds, and a bed.

Opening joke about why one side of a Canada goose V-formation is longer than the other — because there are more geese on that side.

Opening joke: a Girl Guides leader in Australia shares how a patrol substituted baking soda for sugar in Anzac biscuits, illustrating the value of letting scouts make their own mistakes.

Opening joke: a scout so interested in knots he would only eat Thai food.

Opening joke about Scouts arguing over where the sun goes at night — 'it dawned on them.'

Opening joke: Clarke's Eagle project joke — it's not finished yet, so you'll have to wait.

Jigsaw puzzle joke: patrol leader brags they finished a puzzle in two hours; the box said four to six years.

Opening joke: Clarke explains a plateau to a Scout and says it's 'the highest form of flattery.'

Scouter John from Troop 358 in Signsville, Indiana shares a 'scary story' about a year with so many snow days that nobody got to go to Scout camp.

Joke about Kara coming home dizzy from doing too many good turns at her guide meeting.

Opening joke about cold weather: Clarke references W.C. Fields — 'It ain't a fit night out for man nor beast' — after describing a frigid campout.

Opening joke about Peek-a-Boo Street, three-time Olympic skier, naming the ICU she helped establish the 'Peek-a-Boo ICU'.

Groundhog Day joke: Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow — a groundhog has more hair on one side than the other (the outside). Followed by welcome, listener mail about cast iron cookware (Tom and PA Bill), Eagle project guide announcement, forum updates, and preview of episode contents.

Opening joke: it was so cold that the flames from a campfire froze, and scouts chipped off pieces to carry in their pockets for warmth.

Opening joke from the ScoutmasterCG Institute for Advanced Camping Physics: the probability that a piece of gear is left at home is proportionate to its usefulness.

Red Green philosopher joke: 'a tree is just a campfire waiting to happen.' Group 1 contains extensive mailbag (Andy McDonald, Steve Cottrell, Chris Dunlap, Simon, Jim Grig, Dave Edwards, Bill Young, Jim Gilligy), interview with Enoch Hyze about Green Bar Life, backer recognition, verbal preview of episode features, and transition phrase 'let's get started, shall we?'

Opening joke: it was so cold camping that words froze in mid-air and had to be thawed in a frying pan to hear them.

New Year's resolution joke: resolutions go 'in one year and out the other'.

Archery merit badge joke: 'I had to give it up — too many drawbacks.'

Opening joke from Barry Reynolds: a brave fire crew drives closest to a massive San Francisco blaze and saves the city — only to reveal their engine's brakes were already gone.

Opening joke: two veteran Scouters on the porch — one mishears 'what kind of hearing aid?' as a question about the time and answers '2:30.'

Turkey farming joke — Clarke planted the eggs too deep.

Opening joke: two penguins in a canoe in the desert — one asks 'where's your paddle?' and the other says 'yes, it really does, doesn't it?'

Joke about fixing the van horn and saying 'Beep repaired' to the scouts.

Dave Barry quote: 'It always rains on tents — rainstorms will travel thousands of miles against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.'

The old Scoutmaster can't remember the name of a backpacking trail with a waterfall, so he asks his wife — whose name turns out to be the answer.

Clarke opens with a reflection on the Goblin Valley hoodoo incident — three Scout leaders who toppled a balanced rock and posted video online — as an allegory for resisting the temptation to alter unfamiliar but carefully balanced aspects of the Scouting program.

Moose vs. cow/bull joke: a scout sees a moose and misunderstands the scoutmaster's question about whether it was a cow or a bull.

Clarke announces the Pioneering Tower Challenge at ScoutmasterCG.com and introduces podcast number 190.

Cameron Smith from Troop 51 calls in with a humorous question about whether growing a beard is a side effect of becoming a Scoutmaster or a prerequisite.

Weather fun fact joke: the probability of rain increases with the value of moisture-sensitive items left outside, illustrated by a 'picnic table' of statistics.

Opening joke: a Scout at a lumber yard asks for ten 2x4s; when asked how long he wants them, he says he wants to keep them.

Opening joke: Why is a room full of Scoutmasters like a box of matches? They're both full of heads that can't think but will strike anywhere.

Story about taking Scouts in uniform to Yellowstone, where they became minor celebrities — including a group of Japanese high school girls asking for photos — illustrating how wearing the Scout uniform opens doors and encourages better behavior.

Opening joke: the Scoutmaster claims he can cut firewood in half just by looking at it — 'I saw it with my own eyes.'

Quote from Ask Andy: 'Waiting for things to improve of their own accord is like expecting an avalanche to divide and go around you.'

True story about lost hunters who carried compasses but didn't know how to use them — a lesson in carrying skills, not just gear.

Opening joke about a 'Large Baden Collider' discovering that the number of tent stakes is always T minus 1.

Opening jingle followed by a joke about going from homesick at summer camp to 'camp sick' at home after years of Scouting.

Opening joke: comedian Stephen Rice's observation that everything is within walking distance if you have the time.

Opening joke: Scout physicists at the large Baden Collider in Zern, Switzerland discover that level ground diminishes in proportion to time left to find a campsite.

Opening joke: two things not to say at summer camp — 'Could it rain any harder?' and 'It can't rain all the time.'

Opening quote from Clarke's new book 'Thoughts on Scouting': 'Of all the animals domesticated and wild, the Scout is the least trainable.'

Opening joke: summer camp is the art of learning to be miserable and liking it — being cheerful in uncomfortable conditions.

Opening joke: Clarke teases the answer to 'what is a scout banana?' promising it's worth listening to the whole podcast.

Sponsored intro for Conahoe Creek Outfitters; opening jingle and 'scout nerd' card joke.

Sponsor mention for Conahoe Creek Outfitters; opening joke about smoke and fire while camping with scouts.

Opening joke: Ron Herrera's Troop 97 cooking outing — after two hours of cooking, the chef admits he doesn't know what they made either.

Opening joke about people assuming Scouting was invented by an American — 'It wasn't even invented by an American. It wasn't invented by an Australian either.'

Sponsor read for Conahoe Creek Outfitters; opening joke about a mouse jumping out of the camp stove.

Opening sketch: a scout with a cut finger and a scoutmaster keep confusing each other about who is who, with Mr. Gilead eventually resolving the mix-up.

Opening sponsor read for Conahoe Creek camping gear, followed by a clip from Scout Circle guest Kevin Callan on wilderness reconnection, a preview of the May Scout Circle with camp director Brian Hyatt, and episode number announcement.

A hiker passes on the trail with three pounds of Cheetos strapped to his external frame pack instead of a sleeping bag; the scouts on the log spotted it immediately and were jealous.

April Fools' Day fake BSA news bulletin announcing a revised Cooking merit badge requirement involving roadkill, referencing Tennessee's 1999 Roadkill Bill and Pennsylvania's groundhog requirement.

Opening joke from Kevin Callan: if a trip doesn't require use of a toilet trowel, it's not a real trip.

A young Scout at an international event proudly tells a man in Swedish Scout uniform not to walk through their campsite — not realizing he is scolding the King of Sweden.

Opening joke: if all the Scouts in the country formed a line, it would quickly dissolve into seagull-chasing, pickup football, and missed phone calls.

Opening joke: a new patrol leader tests every match before a camping trip, only to be told by the grub master that none of the matches work.

Opening joke about the hidden official list of Scoutmaster duties — 'who's going to volunteer to jump in the volcano?'

Waterfront joke: scouts named Sandy, Skip, Bob, Wilt, and Cliff each represent beach activities (lying on beach, waterskiing, floating, sunburned, rock climbing).

Joke about a scout misinterpreting a shopping list — 'if they have oranges, get six' leads to six cartons of milk.

Shout-out from Roger Thor Rupe, ASM in Troop 1323, Seneca District of the National Cavalry Council.

Opening joke about the Meritbadge Blue Card being revised to survive the laundry.

Opening joke: having two ears and one mouth — there's probably a good reason for that.

Opening joke/banter about a metaphor breaking down — 'every metaphor breaks down at some point' — during what turns out to be a clip from the panel discussion used as a teaser.

Opening joke: a good scoutmaster never puts off until tomorrow what he can get an assistant scoutmaster to do today.

Opening bit riffing on the chain of asking patrol leader, senior patrol leader — 'Hey, this is podcast number 152'

Outtake-style opening with the group struggling to start the recording on cue.

Clarke opens with a moving reflection on the Sandy Hook tragedy, offering three ways scout leaders can help youth process frightening events: talking about it, gaining perspective, and finding constructive action. He quotes Fred Rogers on 'looking for the helpers.' Listener mail from Jim Patrick, Tim Georgie, Steve Chase, Jeff Richard, and Bill McFarland (whose Baden-Powell ringtone was mistaken for a horse-racing call). Clarke announces the episode's two features before transitioning with 'Let's get started, shall we?'

Opening joke about parents sending boys on wilderness survival weekends but not letting them go to the mall alone.

Opening joke by comedian John Pinette about camping meaning room service closes at 10pm, followed by the Christine Laban 'Camping' song.

Opening joke draws on an 1916 Horace Kephart passage from 'Woodcraft and Camping' observing that the joy of messing with camping gear is timeless and unchanged.

Clarke recounts a nine-mile backpacking trip on the rockiest section of the Appalachian Trail in Pennsylvania.

Opening theme followed by pre-recording banter about making sausage and pulling back the curtain on podcast production.

Trivia answer revealed: Indonesia has the most scouts (8,103,835); new trivia question about the landowner who hosted Baden-Powell's 1907 Brown Sea Island encampment, with Cliff Jacobson's Camping's Top Secrets as the prize.

Trivia contest announced — listeners must post on the Scoutmaster Blog Facebook page which country in the World Organization of the Scouting Movement has the most Scouts; prize is a copy of 'The Scoutmaster's Other Handbook' by Mark Rase.

Camping gear tip joke: you need to be at least 10% smarter than the tent you're trying to set up.

Opening joke: Clarke's scout tells him his generation couldn't understand modern technology — Clarke replies that his generation invented it.

Opening jingle followed by a joke about Walter's audio breaking up sounding like old-style static on a radio.

Joke about a bald eagle being unimpressed by a bald man.

Swiss Army knife joke — after opening all the tools, you'll have a broken finger, so the nail file is most important

Voicemail from a Minnesotan listener (Clark Woodhunter) correcting Clarke's pronunciation of 'Ely' and recommending Northern Tier in winter; Clarke jokes about other hard-to-pronounce Minnesota place names.

Opening joke about whether to take advice from someone based on how many mistakes they've made — foreshadowing the episode's theme on learning through mistakes.

Opening bit: Clarke as a Scoutmaster repeatedly deflecting a scout's questions to the patrol leader and then the senior patrol leader.

Opening tribute to Neil Armstrong, Eagle Scout and first man on the moon — reflecting on his humility, servant leadership, and the moment of the Apollo 11 moon landing as witnessed on a black-and-white TV.

Clarke recounts the running joke of a fellow adult leader desperate to spot a moose during a canoe trip in Canada — every moose seemed to appear for everyone except him, until finally he got his sighting.

Opening joke riffing on three famous movie/TV phrases: Cool Hand Luke, Star Trek's Spock, and Blazing Saddles — applied to Scoutmasters.

Canoe fishing trip joke: a Scout marks a great fishing spot with an X on the side of the canoe, not realizing they might get a different canoe next time.

Opening joke about scouts' obsession with hunting daddy longlegs spiders at camp.

Series of camp-themed jokes: aqua-knot, pie-oneering, magnetic orienteering counselor, pioneering chords, handicraft forging, and a maintenance man interred in the latrine.

Opening joke about an aquatics instructor who gave an inspiring speech about starting from the bottom and working your way to the top.

Opening humor bit: panel members riff on the most-heard things from Scouts at summer camp and what Scoutmasters say 300 times a week.

Clarke notes the episode number (125) and introduces guest Lenore Skenazy, whose name rhymes with 'schnazzy' and unfortunately also rhymes with 'crazy.'

The Energizer Bunny was arrested and charged with battery (joke credited to Larry Geiger).

Opening joke: a horse leaves a deposit at the campsite; the rider says 'no, it's a horse and I'm taking it with me.'

Opening joke: a series of unit-prefix puns — 'two kilo mockingbird,' 'a millionth of a fish,' and 'a pair of docks' (paradox).

Opening joke: a scout had to be picked up from camp due to poor eyesight — he was the only one who didn't see the skull. Clarke welcomes listeners, reads a five-star iTunes review from IBEPLATO, previews Scoutmastership in 7 Minutes, a shout-out, and a Scoutmaster's Minute, then transitions with 'let's get started, shall we?'

Opening joke from Donnie Grandy of Troop 720 in Glen Allen, VA: hiking boots with GPS and a processor — 'the souls that time men's try.'

Clarke describes setting up a propane stove on a camping trip during a fire ban and finding a mouse inside it — the punchline being he was out of range before he could react.

Clarke jokes about the terrible camping pun 'go camping, it's intense' and introduces podcast 118.

Clip of the Scout Master Panel Discussion panelists joking and getting puzzled during a recording session.

Three Cubmasters joke about how fast Cubs wear out shirts, handbooks, and den leaders.

Variations on the 'give a man a fish' proverb, ending with a 'blockbuster' punchline.

Stand-up bit by John Pinnette about trail mix — M&Ms hiding among twigs

Opening joke: two penguins in a canoe in the desert — a homophone pun on 'Where's your paddle?' / 'Wears out, it sure does' that Clarke has to explain at length.

Joke from listener Peter LaRue in South Africa: a campsite sign reading 'Campsite Left' prompts a group to turn around and go home.

Pun-based Scout joke: unanswered outdoor mysteries — sleeping bags, tent pitches, Scout reservations.

Desert sandwich joke ('Why can't you starve to death in the desert? Because of all the sandwiches there.')

Opening bump recorded with guest Bob Mazzucca, who introduces Clarke Green in his own words before Clarke reveals it's podcast 109.

Special Great White North edition opener; no traditional opening joke — instead a teaser for the Canada-dedicated episode.

Opening joke: a Scout convinces his dad the Apostles had a Honda because the Bible says 'they were all in one Accord.'

Opening joke/story: Clarke recounts being told he is now an 'international podcast participant' after a year of podcasting, and being recruited for a panel discussion at Merckbad University.

Moss grows on the outside of the tree

Joke about enormous Canadian mosquitoes that wash you off, sting you, and steal your wallet — a warning about planning canoe trips around mosquito season.

Todd Grady, Scoutmaster Troop 875 in San Augustine FL, tells a sporting goods store fire joke: 'It was intense — get it? Intense.'

You can't tell a brook by its clover

The cook always made the best batter

Top 10 signs you've listened to the podcast too much, written and submitted by Bill McFarlane.

Opening joke about baboons and scouts traveling in troops, and using rubber snakes to scare monkeys away from camp.

Joke about a scoutmaster putting two coins under his pillow each night — his 'sleeping quarters' never seem to improve.

Joke about a canoe trip where the group got 'stuck' and couldn't get out until Monday when the banks opened.

Opening joke about editing making everyone sound intelligent, with a dig at Larry taking hours.

Joke: What's the difference between a scout patrol and a band of desperados? Desperados don't have a flag their mother sewed for them.

Opening quote from Chief Scout Executive Bob Mazzuca: 'Meetings don't have to be eternal to be immortal.'

Senior Patrol Leader joke: asked what he'd do if an adult got separated from the group, he replies 'that depends on who it is.'

Tongue-twister joke: 'I got my tongue over my eye tooth and I couldn't see what I was saying.'

Campfire Physics Lab joke: the likelihood of a flipped pancake landing uncooked-side-down is inversely proportional to the number of observers.

Joke about a scout peeing in the pool while standing on the diving board, submitted by listener Tom Brewer from Ottawa.

Joke about hiking in farm country — a farmer lets you cross his pasture for free, but the bull charges.

Opening with dog interruption joke; mailbag items from Peter LaRue (ShelterBox/South Africa connection) and Tom Gillard (successful hands-off camperee); note on new Eagle Project booklet and advancement guide; preview of first Scoutmaster Panel Discussion.

Mark Dwyer's son jokes that at least the podcast isn't live if he messes up.

Opening joke from Peter LaRue about hammering a tent peg through a buried water pipe at a campsite in South Africa, followed by Clarke's welcome, mailbag comments from Frank Maynard and Tony Rotol, and preview of the Peter LaRue interview.

Story from the 1997 jamboree: a Scout loses $150 wallet; another Scout returns it intact, demonstrating that Scouting works.

Opening joke about wild animals at summer camp wearing scout uniforms; listener mail on chess merit badge and scout discipline follow-up from podcast 81.

Opening teaser clip of Clarke quizzing Life Scout David Bauer about his last Eagle-required merit badge (citizenship in the community), podcast number 83 announced.

Password joke: a Tenderfoot creates a password from Disney characters plus 'Harrisburg' after instructions say eight characters and one capital. Sent in by Larry Geiger.

Clarke jokes that podcasting makes your craziness more accessible, then welcomes listeners back after three weeks away traveling in Switzerland.

Two campaign hats joke — one worn out, the other goes on ahead. Clarke announces this is a summer rebroadcast of a favorite episode featuring authors of 'Working the Patrol Method.'

Opening joke: how to make a million dollars as a scout leader — start with two million. Clarke previews summer rebroadcast episodes on the Patrol Method, a Scoutmaster's Minute on Seaton, and a camp cleanup story.

Opening joke: the Clam Patrol was disappointed in a younger Scout who was 'a little shellfish.'

Joke about a scoutmaster hit by a bus — the committee chairman says 'he's got a great personality and he's real good with the scouts.'

Pioneering contest joke — nobody won because everybody tied.

Mosquito/firefly joke: scouts move to escape mosquitoes, then discover fireflies — 'now they have flashlights.'

Orienteering counselor pun about magnetic personality; welcome back, listener mail from Ron Morris (sharing MP3s), gift from Bill McFarland (carved neckerchief slide), book mention (Primitive Paradise), and episode preview

Opening joke about telling the difference between hawks and eagles by their 'pinions' — a matter of opinion.

Neckerchief says to the scout hat: 'You go on ahead, I'll hang around here.'

Buddy-check joke; listener mail from Mike Duff, Alan Green, Andre Crawford, and Chris; Memorial Day re-broadcast preview announced.

Tenderfoot Scout tries to send a secret message using the outdoor code, mixes up dots and dashes — a Morse code pun.

Boomerang joke: Clarke couldn't remember how to throw one, but then 'it came back to me.'

Elevator joke — a man offers to tell a scoutmaster joke slowly so Clarke can understand.

Joke about Scouts stuck inside a cabin all day while it snows — Scoutmaster wonders if he should let them in.

Opening joke: Scoutmasters make lousy timekeepers because none of them know how long a minute is.

Joke: What's the difference between a band of Desperados and a patrol of Boy Scouts? Boy Scouts have badges.

Opening joke about ignorance and apathy — Clarke says he doesn't know much about it and doesn't care either.

Joke about scouts trying to trade their Scoutmaster at the animal shelter

How many scouts does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one — give it one good turn daily.

Walter Underwood's story about a Scout who stomped a nickel in his sleeping bag thinking it was dangerous.

Rick Mason joke about telling time three different ways — all arrive at 10:15. Clarke shares listener comments on homesickness at summer camp, power tools policy, meal planning, and previews bridge-crossing season theme and E-Lite newsletter giveaway.

Opening joke about mountains speaking on 'a range of topics'.

Cross-country skiing joke — nearly 50 miles from home, tired, should have tried a smaller country first.

Dr. Paul Auerbach tells a fishing hook-in-the-nose joke; Clarke previews listener mail and the interview with Dr. Auerbach

Two Scoutmasters walk into a bar joke, submitted by Jason Pettis via voicemail; listener feedback from Bob, Britt Helms, and Larry Geiger; announcement of February scouting history theme.

Survival tip joke about making fire with two sticks (one being a match); listener mail debating ground cloth inside vs. outside the tent following the Cliff Jacobson interview; preview of episode features.

Cliff Jacobson opens with a true story about lost hunters who carry compasses but don't know how to use them — illustrating the gap between having gear and having skills.

Mosquito camping joke; podcast number 53 announced.

Opening joke riffs on 'Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!' from Treasure of the Sierra Madre, followed by mailbag with messages from Mike (patrol method book), iTunes Mike, Brian, Bill (iPod question), Thor (campaign hat), Scott, and responses from Mark and Walter on the Eagle ambush topic from episode 51.

Joke about camping in the cold: boiled water put on the ground froze while still warm.

Three pieces of string want milkshakes — one ties himself in a knot and frays his hair

You know why they didn't make two Yogi Bears? They tried, but somebody made a boo-boo

Scoutmaster goes to his final reward and meets the devil

Evidence Santa Claus might be a Scoutmaster

If you think it goes without saying, it almost certainly does not

Lost economists: according to the map, we're standing on top of that mountain

Roald Amundsen: an adventure is merely a bit of bad planning

Things Scout leaders say that scouts hear differently: 'lights out, all quiet'

Kin Hubbard: boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men

The lumberjack who just couldn't cut it — they gave him the axe

Two campaign hats go on a hike — worn out, went on ahead

How are Scoutmasters different from Sherlock Holmes? Holmes occasionally had a clue

Alaska grizzly bears on a ridge

Girl Scout navigation: in case they ever find themselves with a Boy Scout

King Richard III camping store joke: 'Now is the winter of our discount tents'

Deer crossing sign joke; Clarke recommends 'The Left Handshake' (history of scouting in WWII) and shares his experience at the 1988 Polish Scout jamboree in exile

Opening Monty Python 'Tim the Enchanter' bit; Clarke welcomes listeners to episode 34 and previews the three segments: Scoutmastership in 7 Minutes on youth leadership, an email answer on neckerchiefs, and a Scoutmaster's Minute.

Two bear biologists follow the sign: 'Bear Left'

The brain store — a Scoutmaster brain costs $3 million

Two penguins in a canoe crossing the Sahara Desert

How to make a million dollars in scouting: first get two million

Two kayakers in the cold: you can't have your kayak and heat it too

First time in a canoe: are we going to fall out?

Jazz renditions of campfire classics and Scout songs

Waterproof tents, nonstick pans — challenges not warnings

A week of paddling — the paddle breaks 75 yards from the dock

Scoutmaster on the psychiatrist's couch: too tense

A song for Troop 175, Niles IL — listening in the van

The Scout with seven pairs of socks — efficient, but not right

Comedian John Panette: a raccoon wants the sandwich

Mark Twain quotes on the Scout Law — on trustworthiness: 'I can lie, but I won't.'

Boy Scouts eagerly attend a Girl Scout Halloween party, only to discover all the guests are about eight years old.

Nylon tents are not soundproof booths — Clarke notices scouts think no one can hear them.

Joke about Smokey the Bear: one careless match burns a forest, but a whole box can't start a campfire.

Clarke tells a story about making undercooked pancakes for 18 Webelos boys; one boy asks for 'more with the cheese in the middle.'

A young adult volunteer at a training event says he was 'voluntold' to be patrol leader — volunteered and told at the same time.

Three ways for a Scoutmaster to get something done — including telling Scouts they're absolutely forbidden from doing it.

Opening joke riffing on the Boy Scout motto 'Be Prepared' with a friend named Bruce.

Once you decide to become a volunteer leader, somebody says it's only an hour a week

Mark Twain quote about a 14-year-old thinking his father is ignorant, and how boys eventually come around.

Three Scout leaders reach a river — one gets out a hatchet and rope for a pioneering crossing, one swims, the woman asks directions and finds a bridge fifty yards upstream.

From Rice Cochran's 1952 book: managing a group of boy hikers has 'somewhat the same problems that faced Moses in managing the Exodus, or Napoleon in supervising the retreat from Moscow.'

Green Bar Bill's easy-chair test from the 1939 Scoutmaster's Handbook — sink into the chair after the opening ceremony and sit without lifting a finger; if the troop runs fine without you, you're doing it right

From Rice Cochran's 1952 book: 'I rapidly acquired a reputation for supernatural wisdom by saying nothing… he's not saying nothing, but he's thinking plenty, I heard one boy mutter to another.'

Bill Cosby on being a Boy Scout in Philadelphia — loading up at the Army-Navy store, catching a trolley to hike in Fairmount Park

Plato, the Greek philosopher from 400 BC, was apparently a Scoutmaster. He said: 'of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.'

An 8-year-old Cub Scout shares his name with someone on the TSA watchlist — 'Weebelos sounds like some kind of call to war. Weebelo, weebelo, weebelo.'

Whoever first said, 'where there's smoke there's fire' — there is very little chance that person was a Scoutmaster.

Somebody once said, there's no such thing as a bad boy. And I agree, I do agree, but some of them can be a real pain every once in a while.

it occurs to me, for generations, men have looked upon the bald eagle and found great inspiration, yet when the eagle looks upon a bald man, it doesn't seem to affect him at all