Parent Relations on ScoutmasterCG Archive

The Family Scheduler

Sat, 08 Jul 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Parents (especially mothers in my experience) are the family scheduler; keeper of the family calendar and maker of schedules. We need a direct, accessible and detailed line of communication with parents (again, in my experience, especially mothers) if we expect to have Scouts attending outings and meetings.

Shouldn’t the Scouts themselves be responsible for this?

Shouldn’t they know their own schedule and make plans accordingly? In the best of all possible worlds I would like to see that happen but it’s not likely the way that most of the families we serve conduct business. An informal survey of my Scouts revealed that they really have no idea what’s on their family calendar let alone what they will be doing next week.

To Parents at an Eagle Court of Honor

Tue, 04 Jul 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Here’s an idea of what can be said at an Eagle Court of Honor to help parents understand their role in Scouting. This is a big day, and it all goes by fast.

Before we go any further; mom and dad, take a moment to look at your Scout. A Scout goes through uncertain times to get to a day like today. Take a moment to think about every boy who becomes a Scout. As a crowd, they are predictable. As individuals, well, you never quite know. Who knows what they’ll be thinking and doing today? They wake up in a new world every morning.

Preparing Scout Parents for Summer Camp

Fri, 30 Jun 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Scout parents are usually less prepared for summer camp than their Scouts.

Parents of Scouts headed to camp (especially for the first time) are going to be anxious; they may find the experience more difficult than their Scouts will. It’s fair to expect Scout parents may feel uncomfortable turning over full-time care of their child, especially to Scouters they may have just gotten to know. They may worry about their Scout’s diet at camp, who will be looking after daily concerns like clean clothes or taking a shower, and how their Scout is getting along. Our good intentions can go awry if rational concern becomes paranoia, when we overplay natural parental fears. How can Scout parents prepare themselves?

Father and Son Weekend

Thu, 01 Jun 2017 00:00:00 +0000

An early Father & Son weekend (early 1990’s?) 25 years ago our troop held our first annual father and son weekend. We started the weekend as a way to invite dads that were not otherwise involved to join us for a weekend and see what goes on in Scouts. It has evolved into a tradition that our Scouts and families look forward to every year. When and Where For the past eight or ten years we’ve held the weekend at a neighboring council’s camp (chiefly because they have enough lodging space and a winterized dining hall) every February.

The Role of Scouting Parents

Thu, 13 Oct 2016 00:00:00 +0000

Scouting works in concert with the parents of our Scouts to achieve the main aim, and we rely on parents who become Scouters to support the Scout’s program. How do we define this role so the scouts are able to do what they need to accomplish with this much-needed support yet without undue interference? The “More September 2006” column at Ask Andy addresses the question of too many parents involved in troop camping. He replies in part: The Boy Scout outdoor program is for boys and young men of Scout age to be among themselves away from “civilization” in woods, fields, streams, rivers, lakes, deserts, and mountains, to learn from one-another as they gain woodsman’s skills and knowledge, and experience personal growth, while under the safely watchful but not hovering eyes of their Scoutmaster and his assistant–camping, cooking, learning the ways of the woods, playing among themselves, and being led by one another. This is what builds teamwork, leadership and—most importantly—emotional and intellectual backbones. If, on the other hand, well-intentioned but equally misguided Scouting parents of whatever gender and number undermine this method and its goals by somehow turning what was to have been a 99% boy-to-boy experience into some sort of “family camping” experience, they clearly don’t “get it” and are doing irreparable damage to the plan Scouting’s had in place for nearly 100 years. Are the parents in your troop playing an Extraneous or Intrinsic role? “Extraneous” by definition is an influence coming from the outside that does not form an essential or vital part of the whole and has no relevance to the program.

When is it time to find a new Troop?

Thu, 28 Jul 2016 00:00:00 +0000

Before you waste anymore time trying to fix what is wrong with a Scout Troop look around and see if you can’t find one that is a better fit. Put aside the question of dedication, misplaced loyalty and grim determination and look at what the problems are doing to your son.

People of good will sometimes find themselves at odds with one another in schools, churches, community organizations and Scout Troops. Not everyone gets along all the time.

A New Scoutmaster - Chapter Fourteen

Tue, 10 Nov 2015 00:00:00 +0000

This is the fourteenth installment in a story that follows a new Scoutmaster, Chuck Grant, attempting to use the patrol method in a troop that has forgotten how. I’ve based this work of fiction on the stories shared by readers and listeners, questions they have asked, and the advice I commonly share in reply.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

As the Scouts got up from the table I turned to Jason’s father, “Have you met Bob’s mother Cheryl yet?” “We talked on the phone,” he said. “Cheryl, John?”

Far Side of the Moon

Thu, 02 Apr 2015 00:00:00 +0000

When Apollo spacecraft passed to the far side of the moon there were some tense moments in mission control.

During this part of the orbit radio communication with the earth was impossible.

There was no way to know if everything was alright until the spacecraft reappeared.

Imagine yourself sitting in mission control without being able to see or speak to the astronauts and not knowing if they were in trouble. It must have been a completely helpless feeling.

A New Scoutmaster - Chapter Twelve

Sun, 15 Feb 2015 00:00:00 +0000

This is the twelfth installment in a story that follows a new Scoutmaster, Chuck Grant, attempting to use the patrol method in a troop that has forgotten how. I’ve based this work of fiction on the stories shared by readers and listeners, questions they have asked, and the advice I commonly share in reply.

CHAPTER TWELVE The last Scout hoisted his pack into the trunk of a waiting car, “Thanks Mr. Grant, Mr. Katz, see you later!” “Sure thing Jason,” I replied, “see you soon.” “Well, Mister Scoutmaster, one down!” Dave smiled as he shook my hand, “and hopefully many more to go.” “Thanks Dave,” I replied, “I was pretty happy with the way things went.” “I think the boys…” Dave stopped himself, “excuse me; I think the Scouts had a good time.” “I think they did,” I replied, “burnt pancakes and all.” “They’ll get better at things like that,” Dave replied, “I, for one, am glad to see them finally get some practice.” “That’s the idea,” I said stifling a yawn, “I don’t think anybody starved, and they all came back alive.” With that, Dave hopped in his truck, waved goodbye, and we both headed for home. My wife woke me from a nap later that afternoon, handing me the phone, “its Cheryl, Bob’s mother,” she said.

Advancing to Eagle; a Parable

Mon, 13 Oct 2014 00:00:00 +0000

A young man built a shed in the backyard. He saved the money, designed the shed and wanted to build it by himself. Over time he learned how to use a saw and a hammer, collected his own set of tools, built smaller projects. He was having fun pursing something interesting, building skills and accumulating knowledge of his craft. He learned to draw plans, estimate costs, where to buy his materials. His parents like the idea of a shed, they are very supportive: they’re pleased that their son has developed into a decent carpenter but know little of the subject themselves. They asked that someone who knows more than they do review the plans with their son just to make sure he was building the shed properly. He called a friend of the family who was a builder and showed him the plans. He had to tweak this plans a bit and got some good advice. One weekend he dug the foundations and poured cement; the next he set up his rim and floor joists. When he went to frame the walls he realized that he had made a miscalculation and would have to change his plans. He was discouraged and didn’t work on the shed for a week or two. His parents held him to the commitment and he started building again.

The Overprotected Kid

Fri, 22 Aug 2014 00:00:00 +0000

The author’s 5-year-old son, Gideon, playing at the Land playground in North Wales. (Hanna Rosin) In her Atlantic Monthly article, The Overprotected Kid , Hanna Rosin writes: It’s hard to absorb how much childhood norms have shifted in just one generation.

Actions that would have been considered paranoid in the ’70s—walking third-graders to school, forbidding your kid to play ball in the street, going down the slide with your child in your lap—are now routine. In fact, they are the markers of good, responsible parenting. One very thorough study of “children’s independent mobility,” conducted in urban, suburban, and rural neighborhoods in the U.K., shows that in 1971, 80 percent of third-graders walked to school alone. By 1990, that measure had dropped to 9 percent, and now it’s even lower. When you ask parents why they are more protective than their parents were, they might answer that the world is more dangerous than it was when they were growing up. But this isn’t true, or at least not in the way that we think. For example, parents now routinely tell their children never to talk to strangers, even though all available evidence suggests that children have about the same (very slim) chance of being abducted by a stranger as they did a generation ago.

What I Wish Every Scout Parent Understood

Thu, 02 Jan 2014 00:00:00 +0000

It takes a few years but that gawky 11-year-old becomes a responsible young man when Scout parents cooperate with the process.

I received this email from a Scout parent: I am new to the Boy Scout Program and I am not getting answers to questions . For instance my son is to bring a blue card to a merit badge event for the counselor to sign.

I got a blue card from the Scoutmaster.

Webelos Visits to Troop Meetings

Sat, 12 Oct 2013 00:00:00 +0000

When Webelos and their parents visit one of our meetings we send the Webelos to our Senior Patrol leader who sees that they are welcomed and join in the activities. The parents meet with myself and a couple of Assistant Scoutmasters.

I used to have a set program for visiting parents.

I would sit with them and go through some standard information and answer questions. Then I would ask the ASM’s to do a pre-arranged talk about some aspect of the Troop program. We even did a couple of multi-media presentations last year.

Happy (Scout) Mother's Day!

Fri, 11 Oct 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Before the ceremony a couple of weeks ago I asked the Eagle candidates and their parents to step into a side room for a minute.

I hand each family a velvet covered box. “We’ll have mom practice pinning the Eagle medal on their son’s left pocket flap first” I announce.

Three moms pick up an Eagle medal and pin it on their son. “It’s not as easy as it looks, is it?” one laughs as her husband bends down to pick up a fumbled pin back off the carpet. “No, it isn’t,” I reply “that’s why we have this little rehearsal.” Not as easy as it looks? That’s an understatement. The years that led up to this moment started when a little boy came home excitedly talking about something called Cub Scouts. From that point on it was a blur of den meetings, pack meetings, overnights and trips. A tear wiped away as that little boy stood on a stage and got his first badge, and his second, and his tenth. All of them have to be sewn somewhere , but before too long he’d outgrown his shirt and they all had to be sewn on again. Boy Scouts?

Reluctant Scouts

Fri, 11 Oct 2013 00:00:00 +0000

A question from a Facebook fan: My son just bridged over into Boy Scouts from Webelos.

I feel he is losing interest, he keeps saying he doesn’t want to go to the meetings or camp. My son and I have been active in cub scouts since he was a tiger. How should I help get him and keep him motivated?

There’s usually an adjustment period for any big change like this. When boys go from the Pack to the Troop they may not like the change, just like when they go from elementary school to middle school; it may not be what they expected. From my point of view parents often give up on Scouting too soon when they meet a little resistance from their sons. A boy’s attitudes, likes and dislikes change very quickly at this age (sometimes from hour to hour!). To temper this volatility I suggest that you set a time period or other goal (six months, six camping trips, twelve Scout meetings) that are non-negotiable – that you require him to attend.

Webelos Troop Visit

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Just last night we hosted a Webelos troop visit.

While the visiting Webelos went off with the Scouts we asked the parents to come with us into another room and meet with the troop’s adult volunteers. The committee chairman talked to them for a bit about the basic functions and administrative things involved with having a son in the troop. When I was introduced to the parents I said a brief hello and explained that the best way for them to learn what our Scouts do and experience would be to talk to the Scouts rather than me. Just before I headed to the parent’s room I asked a Scout who joined the troop last year if he could spare about ten minutes, he said he could and I asked him to follow me.

A Message to Parents

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 00:00:00 +0000

If you Respect me, I will hear you. If you Listen to me, I will feel understood. If you Understand me, I will feel appreciated. If you Appreciate me, I will know your support. If you Support me as I try new things, I will become responsible. When I am Responsible, I will grow to be independent. In my Independence, I will respect you and love you all of my life.

Scouting With Your Son

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Being the parent of a Scout and a Scouter at the same time, can be one of the most enriching and memorable times you’ll spend together.

Naturally there will be some difficult times but we can avoid letting them derail the experiences for ourselves and our sons if we prepare for them.

Characteristics that make a good parent and a good Scouter are similar but we are not going to impose the same expectations or authority we have for our own children on our Scouts.

Lack of Volunteers?

Mon, 05 Nov 2012 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve often heard about the difficulty of recruiting adult help from other Scouters and I wonder, sometimes, if it has to do with the way we ask? When the coffee is flowing and the discussions range wide we volunteers commiserate with each other. How many times have you heard things like: “Why are we the only ones who will do this?” “How come I can’t get anyone else to help?” “All those other parents are so irresponsible – they think we’re just here to babysit!” We love the work but are bothered by the fact that we do it all; a perfectly natural, perfectly understandable reaction to the apparent or actual lack of volunteers.

Working with Scout Parents on Bobwhite Blather

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 00:00:00 +0000

in Scout Parents Frank Maynard is a blogging troop committee chairman, he recently published this excellent article outlining how to work with Scout parents; Parents who aren’t as involved in Scouting as you are sometimes don’t understand the program as well, and can see a unit working normally as being dysfunctional.

Friction can also develop among parents, or even between boys, and the people “in charge” are looked to for a solution. “Why isn’t my Jimmy getting to Second Class any faster?” is a typical complaint, or “How come you didn’t tell Billy that he needed to bring his handbook to the meeting?”

24 Hours left to get "Stuff Adult Leader's Say" tee shirt

Sat, 29 Sep 2012 00:00:00 +0000

First of all – I apologize if you’ve had enough of the nutty tee-shirt thing!

I have tried to balance keeping everyone informed with being irritating; hopefully I have kept it below the point of being too terribly aggravating. Wow!

There’s been a big flurry of pledges to tee-shirt project on Kickstarter that will include 200 things that adult leaders say over and over again. You can read about the whole thing here and pledge to secure your shirts at Kickstarter . On Wednesday we had the project 52% funded and by today it is up to 83%!

Scout Parent Problems

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Most Scout parents are supportive, encouraging and make a positive contribution to their son’s experience in Scouting. If you volunteer long enough you will eventually run into Scout parent problems. Some are minor irritations, some are very upsetting.

Questions and challenges from parents usually come from honest misunderstandings. When parents raise concerns it can feel like a personal attack.

Remember they aren’t trying to be mean, they are acting in the best interest of their child the best way they can.

Your Kids Aren't All That Bad

Sun, 12 Aug 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Certainly one of the tasks of parenthood is challenging our children to realize their full potential yet we shouldn’t judge our children, nor or Scouts by comparing their achievements with those of others. We are individuals, we have their own strengths and weaknesses. When tempers rise, when the inevitable conflicts and disappointments land on our doorstep it can be useful to step back and gain a sense of proportion and perspective. If you are reading this it’s likely your child is among the most privileged and prosperous on the face of the earth. They have three meals a day, they are able to go to school, they live in a stable society, they have all they need materially and more. Our children survive childhood diseases in numbers much of the rest of the world can only wish for. If you are reading this your child may be in the top percentile of the most privileged and prosperous. They are good (if not great) students; they have incredible technological resources at their fingertips (yes they are texting with those fingertips and that confuses a lot of us), they are Scouts – and have the all the advantages that implies.

Preparing Parents for Summer Camp

Fri, 15 Jun 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Parents are usually less prepared for summer camp than their sons.

Parents concentrate on preparing children for summer camp but may be unaware how much they will miss and worry about their child. They may feel uncomfortable turning over full-time care to people they have just gotten to know. They worry about what kind of food he’ll be eating, who will be looking after daily concerns like clean clothes and taking a shower, if the other boys will tease him. What happens if he just doesn’t like camp? Can he call home or can his parents call him?

Should I Make My Son Stay in Scouts?

Tue, 28 Jun 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Many Scouts will, at some point, resist going any further in Scouting. When does a parent intervene and make him stay in Scouts? Just about every boy will reach some impasse along the way that will make them reluctant or downright adamant about participating. If you are a Scouting parent it’s more than likely that this is going to happen to you; don’t be surprised. Your son is probably not much different than the millions of other Scouts who preceded him.

Trouble in the Troop (or Pack or Crew)

Tue, 28 Jun 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Here’s an email that I get fairly regularly: “My son’s (Pack, Troop, Crew) is having real difficulties with our (Scoutmaster, Cubmaster, Advisor, Committee Chair) and our program is (poor, indifferent, terrible). I’m only a (Den Leader, Assistant Scoutmaster, Committee Member, parent) but I want to try and fix this situation to benefit the (Cubs, Scouts, Venturers). What’s your advice?”

I reply: Find another (Pack, Troop, Crew) that better matches the way you think Scouting ought to be as soon as possible. Don’t send out any nasty emails, don’t throw any snide comments over your shoulder as you leave, just move on; make a break, draw a line. Few people want to hear this advice. They want me to map out how they can bravely forge ahead and convince the Scout leaders who have been doing things one way to do them the other way.

Getting Parents Excited About Scouting

Wed, 14 May 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Scouting Magazine’s Front Line Stuff asks the question: Some parents aren’t as eager to participate in Scouting as others. As a result, their Cub Scout or Boy Scout sons don’t attend as many events as the children of active parents. How do you create excitement about Scouting among your Scouts’ parents?

I am not sure if this is a resolvable situation, or if it should be. One of the key features of Scouting is that Scouts and their families are able to participate at a level that works for them. We leaders may feel like they are ‘missing out’ but they may be doing all they can, or want, to do. It seems to me that sports teams, schools and churches are constantly expanding their expectations for attendance and participation; sometimes with little consideration for the other activities in any given community. We may also, with the best of intentions, be making parental participation more difficult than it needs to be.

The Scoutmaster's Son

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Scoutmasters usually have a son who is a scout in their troop. A parent with a wider role of authority over a group of children including their own offspring may encounter some difficult situations.

I know that one of the most difficult years I spent as a Scoutmaster was when my step-son was our Senior Patrol Leader.

Maintaining the parent-child and scout leader-scout relationship successfully requires thoughtful preparation Managing the scout/parent relationship is your responsibility. Call on your adult perspective, experience and maturity in an attempt to understand and remain mindful of the important differences between your roles as a leader and a parent.

Six Commandments

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Unto the Troop did they come and a patch did get upon their arm. And the Scoutmaster did shake their hand. And all the troop saw and said it was good. Then there were thunderings, and lightnings, and the noise of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking: and when the Scouts saw it, they removed, and stood afar off. And the Scoutmaster spake unto the adult leaders and said: “Have I not seen Scouts and leaders without number? Have I not grown old in wisdom?

What Can Parents Do?

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands. -Anne Frank

I don’t know how much I can add to that thought.

Parents have it hard. They are sometimes fearful, disappointed, tired, disgusted or angry with the way things are going in their children’s lives and take it out on the closest person.