Theory of Belts and Aptitude

This will seem mean spirited, but it is a theory that has been proven many, many times. The Theory of Belts and Aptitude: A scouter’s aptitude is inversely proportional to the number of things worn on their belt.

I have met and worked with hundreds of scouters as a camp director and have learned that a scouter who has three or more things hanging from their belt may mean trouble. Any reasonable individual may sport a flashlight, canteen, sierra cup, knife fork and spoon, hand axe, knife, first aid kit or coil of rope on their belt once in a while but certainly not all of them at once. The most skilled outdoorsmen I have known do not need to advertise their competence nor carry it with them on their belt. They may sport, at most, a modest and useful knife.

Anyone who does is simply itching for the chance to put them to use or, worse, talk bout how they would use them given the opportunity: “I can chop down a tree, lash together a chair, build a fire, make coffee, patch up a broken ankle and whittle a neckerchief slide the same time.” It seems absurdly unlikely that anyone other than a Marine or Batman would have a compelling need to carry that kind of gear around. If there isn’t a chance that they may be launching an invasion or defending Gotham City from deranged career villains it seems a little unbalanced and juvenile.

I have been known to skirt with propriety by wearing a flashlight and a multitool at the same time, but I don’t cross the line by adding cooking or eating utensils. In fact no other item tends to indicate the greenhorn (or the entrenched traditionalist) more than sporting a sierra cup. (See my condemnation of the sierra cup elsewhere.) Since the practicality of wearing a cup on one’s belt is, at best, questionable it is reduced to an amusing peacock-like display of supremacy and self satisfaction. This all seems so petty but, as I mentioned, experience bears me out.

I would be interested to know if you have made similar observations.