Scout Parent Problems

Most Scout parents are supportive, encouraging and make a positive contribution to their son’s experience in Scouting. If you volunteer long enough you will eventually run into Scout parent problems. Some are minor irritations, some are very upsetting.

Questions and challenges from parents usually come from honest misunderstandings. When parents raise concerns it can feel like a personal attack.

Remember they aren’t trying to be mean, they are acting in the best interest of their child the best way they can.

Whatever their state of mind our reply is polite, measured, and professional (even we volunteers have a sense of professionalism about our work). 99% of concerns raised by parents get resolved by taking the time to explain why we are doing what we are doing. We cannot save a Scout from his parents. We shouldn’t show, by word or deed, that we disapprove of a Scout’s parents in any way nor allow this to become a topic of discussion in front of any Scout.

Treating parents with respect does not mean we back down. The first time a parent complains or otherwise challenges us as volunteers is unnerving.

Volunteers that understand the program and are confident in what they are doing can respond confidently and resolve Scout parent problems. Don’t be unpleasant, but don’t acquiesce to unreasonable demands. In short: have a backbone. When dealing with parent problems remember: In the battle of interests the best interest of the Scout always wins.

Pushiness Parents who exert an inordinate amount of pressure on their sons will sometimes back off with a little counselling. We can’t save a Scout from their parents and some will continue to pressure their sons. In that case we put up with it as best we can; otherwise we may make the situation even worse for the Scout. We do not penalize or marginalize a Scout because his parents are pushing him. In the battle of interests the best interest of the Scout always wins.

Complaining Parents who complain about and question every step we take can sometimes be won over, sometimes not. I’ll do my best to address their concerns, help them understand and keep their complaining from affecting their Scout’s experiences. In the battle of interests the best interest of the Scout always wins.

Helicoptering Parents who helicopter around their Scout need to step away and let him live his own life.

I can’t make them do this. Once they have some experience with Scouting a lot of helicopter parents do back off. If they simply can’t back off I explain they are welcomed to observe but they cannot interfere. If they can’t be observers they have to go away. It’s just that simple. In the battle of interests the best interest of the Scout always wins.

Bullying Very few parents use intimidation and threats to leverage control. If they do it is a serious matter. If I have a Scout’s who exhibits bullying behavior I’ll work with him to resolve the problem.

Bullying parents, however receive an immediate, definitive, response: we do not allow anyone to use threats and intimidation with our volunteers or Scouts. This response does not come from me but from the Troop Committee Chair and Chartered Organization Representative in a face-to-face meeting. They make clear that any further threats and intimidation result in with dismissal from the troop for them and their sons. If it ever came to that we would, unfortunately, loose a Scout. So what happened to; “ In the battle of interests the best interest of the Scout always wins” ? In this case the interest is not a single Scout, but the entire unit.

Bullies create a toxic, corrosive, environment that harms the unit, the Scouts and the volunteers. They have to change or leave.

Unfortunately this means they have to take their sons with them. We have never had to dismiss a parent and their son from the troop; but we are certainly ready to do so and have come close.

Family Problems Volunteer long enough and you’ll see the whole spectrum of family problems.

Trying to understand another person’s family is like looking into the mechanism of an old pocket watch.

Things are spinning and clicking but you have little idea of how the watch actually works. You’d better not get a screwdriver and tinker with the watch and you’d better not try to tinker with someone else’s family problems. You are going to make things worse. Some family problems are transient, some are permanent. We may disapprove of the way other families work but we must not let those feelings negatively influence a Scout’s experience. Our job is to accept the Scout as he is and work with him despite influences he has to deal with at home.

Scouting can the only refuge a boy has from family troubles. Not every family problem rises to the level of abuse but remember this : All persons involved in Scouting shall report to local authorities any good-faith suspicion or belief that any child is or has been physically or sexually abused, physically or emotionally neglected, exposed to any form of violence or threat, exposed to any form of sexual exploitation, including the possession, manufacture, or distribution of child pornography, online solicitation, enticement, or showing of obscene material. You may not abdicate this reporting responsibility to any other person. BSA youth protection In the battle of interests the best interest of the Scout always wins.

Email Complicates Things In my role as author of this blog I regularly hear from one side or another of a Scouter-parent argument blown out of proportion via email. For whatever reason people write things in email that they would never say in person.

Email is not contextualized by tone, volume, or inflections of speech like a conversation held in person.

Heated email arguments are usually distributed and mulled over until their meaning and intentions are distorted. In my role as Scoutmaster I do not respond to email from an upset, irate or bullying parent by email. Ever. In the very rare case a parent sends me an incendiary email I call the sender and set up a meeting, then I delete the email. If I am being bullied or that there’s a serious situation I call my Committee Chair and or Chartered Organization Representative and they take it from there.