Scoutmaster Podcast 76

And now it's the old Scoutmaster. Hey, we were down at summer camp just the other day, big pioneering contest. Yeah, nobody won.

No, Do you know why? Everybody tied. Hey, oh, I'm sorry. This is podcast number 76.

Well, welcome back to the Scoutmaster podcast. This is Clark green. I'm gonna be pretty brief today and for the next couple of weeks here in the intro part of the podcast, Because we're getting ready to go to camp and we're gonna do a little bit of traveling.

I'm lining up articles and podcasts so that they will publish automatically when we're gone, and We are gonna be gone for about three weeks this summer. So I won't be online and At least not all that often to moderate comments or reply to emails.

But so you just keep on keeping in touch and I will do my best to get back to you when I can and be a little patient with me. But round about September everything should settle down, our travels will be done and We'll be back home and kind of back into the routine of things.

Now, this time on the podcast and Scoutmaster ship And seven minutes or less, as we promised last week, we're gonna talk about homesickness and how to deal with homesickness at summer camp and any other time as well. And then we have an email question and That's going to be enough for this summer edition of the Scoutmaster podcast.

So let's get started. Shall we Scoutmaster ship in seven minutes or last?

So it's beginning to get dark. It's our first night at camp which is a Sunday for us And we've had a long day.

You know, everybody's been pretty busy. But as the light starts to go down and we get back from the big campfire and The scouts are preparing for taps and preparing to head off to bed, we're gonna sit down and have a patrol leaders council meeting and It'll be at the picnic table that I call my picnic table in the campsite And I'll be sitting outside of a circle of light around that picnic table while the boys are talking. And I will see a younger scout- at least one, and This is his first year at camp and he's kind of mooning around the edge of that pool of lantern light and He's looking a little hang dog. And I know exactly why he's there, because he and his brother scouts have been there for the past 30 years. He is my homesick scout. I Hardly have ever had a week at summer camp without some one of the scouts being at least a little bit homesick, and sometimes very, very homesick, and Homesickness is something that can be light And and really kind of passing, or it can be really dark and very difficult for boys.

Any of us when we're separated from familiar surroundings or people for an extended period of time, But especially scout age boys, are going to be Vulnerable to becoming homesick. Now, What is this crazy homesickness?

Well, I think we've all felt it at one time or another, and It manifests itself as a sense of dread or fear or helplessness, And it can make us feel kind of depressed and sad, It can make us frustrated, It can make us anger- I'm sorry, It can make us angry- and It can also be a real hopeless feeling. Extreme cases can cause physical symptoms like a stomach ache or indigestion or headaches or nausea, and You know, a lot of times it can be so hard to deal with that a young man is going to is going to come to tears over it.

Now, if you understand and you've experienced homesickness before, You've got to know that it's relatively easy to cure, and I mean at least in a vast majority of cases. It is a real problem, though, and we shouldn't trivialize it just because we've gotten over it.

You, you, you know you're, you're an adult now. You've gotten past being homesick before. But just because you've Managed to do that, You, you can't forget how intensely difficult and Distressing it was to be homesick when you were a kid. I'd spend a few moments thinking about it, and you never want to trivialize it. You never want to make fun of a scout for being homesick. You never want to make him feel as though He's being something less than a man or that it's a personal failing of some kind.

It's actually a pretty reasonable and Natural reaction to being away from home for an extended period of time. So we really need to understand what it is and We need to be pretty sensitive about it.

And then we need to know what the good, successful strategies are for helping our scouts get through being homesick. Well, I Think one of the things that you can do to kind of head this off at the past is to make sure that before you go to camp, you Put in the materials that you distribute to camp and in your discussions with parents, You need to lay out some expectations for what's going to happen Now. I put this in our pre-camp flyer I put this statement and it says this: parents are expected to support their scouts commitment to spend a full week at camp. There is a full schedule of shared responsibilities that begins on the Sunday We arrive and continues on broken until we leave a week later.

If a scout must arrive late, leave early or spend time out of camp during the week, Please let us know as early as possible so the corresponding arrangements can be made. That being said, arriving late, Leaving early or spending time away from camp during the work week is actively discouraged, as it tends to compromise the experience, Not only for the individual scout but for the rest of his troop. A Week at camp is often the longest time our first-year scouts have spent away from home and family. It's natural that some scouts find this experience difficult to endure, as do their parents, But our experience with hundreds of scouts and parents of all temperaments assures us that they not only endure But flourish and return home having gained a great deal from the experience.

Now That statement kind of sets the stage and tells parents Exactly what our expectations are. I don't know how many scouts read that statement neither. It's really not made for scouts, But having their parents understand our expectations is a big step in this, because sometimes parents are a little blindsided By this whole homesickness thing and they feel just awful.

If I have to call them up And I say, well, you know, he's doing fine, but he's a little homesick and he'd like to talk to you, Well, they're gonna feel just awful and and they might start, you know, Angling for the idea of, well, we'll just, we'll just come down and pick him up because he's so miserable. Well, you know, I've been through this a number of times and Nothing gets solved by coming down and picking boy up. I mean, the immediate problem gets solved, But the long-term problem of him being able to be away from his home and his family for a number of days, That hasn't been solved at all.

So I don't like to have parents Respond to homesickness by taking the boy away from camp. I've never seen a case where that's appropriate. I've seen a case where it's happened a couple of times, But for the most part, if that's all a boy does during the week, it can't gets over being homesick. That's pretty big. That's that. That's a pretty big accomplishment.

The experts recommend that if you bring a couple of mementos from home like pictures and things like that. I know Even some, some of the boys who are a little bit younger, some, you know, are 11 or 12 year olds.

They will bring us little stuffed animal or something like that, Something just to make their world a little more secure and it's kind of a transitional object that helps them, You know, kind of cling to home a little bit and relieve some difficult feelings of homesickness. But you know, it turns out that it works pretty well and it's a reasonably good idea. But everybody has to be on the alert that we do not make fun of boys for doing this And if it's a, if it's an aid to them and helps them work their way through that part of being in camp, more power to them.

Now, as far as treating homesickness, it's probably about what you think. First of all, talking about it Is pretty important because homesickness, like we said before, usually involves feelings of dread or helplessness And once you start talking about them They become pretty irrational in the light of a little discussion and most boys can see that and they Get over it, or at least partially get over it, and it helps them to kind of Find a little bit of fortitude and bravery if, if you're able to talk about it and Especially being able to talk about it with a scout who is previously homesick and is comfortable At camp now and is able to talk with a younger scout about it, That's an excellent resource for them. Staying active- This is pretty much the panacea. This is the one that almost always works 100% of the time. If I have Things to do that I have to think about, then I don't have time to sit there and think about home Or have these feelings of dread or difficulty.

So staying active and staying engaged is pretty important. Being active means doing stuff and I've been Kind of almost downright mean to some of the scouts in the past about getting them out of the campsite and Getting them involved in doing things. They have to get out there and do stuff. I see them every once in a while.

You'll, you know, be walking through camp and there's one of the boys and he's Sitting on a bench somewhere with his head down, kind of staring at the ground or staring into his hands, and you know what's going on. And You basically got to get them physically up and moving.

You know, I'm not saying put hands on them and make them do it, but you got to encourage them strongly to get up and move and to be active and to do something and that can take care a lot of The cases of homesickness that I've run into. Staying engaged, now, That's not just staying active, but staying engaged. Being lonely feeds homesickness.

So they need to be engaged, they need to be working with groups and and other scouts. You know, sometimes, just you know, even if it's just talking to an adult or something like that, being engaged again, If, if you feel lonely, if you don't have somebody to talk to or somebody to do something with, then those thoughts of home Sickness are going to take over and make it really difficult.

So being active and engaged, really important, You know, conversely to what you might imagine, Calling or writing home can also be helpful. Actually speaking to somebody from home can actually work for you. I I usually speak to parents first Before I have scouts, speak to parents and I try and explain the situation to them and make sure they're on the same page With me and support the idea that the boys going to stay there for the week as, as is planned, And they're usually, they're usually all good about that.

It's just a matter of you know, explaining to them what's going on before they speak to the boy and and Saying: you know, we're ready to do this if you are kind of thing. So I think it's important College counselors and chaplains Report that there's there's a fair number of freshmen students who experience hope sickness and it's serious enough to Effect their studies.

Now I've always contended that that week at summer camp has many benefits, and probably one of the better ones for Somebody who's susceptible to being homesick is going to be if, if you're a scout and you've gone to three or four Weeks of summer camp in three or four years as you go through scouting, It's going to make a big impression on you and empower you As a young adult to be able to go away to college and not to be distracted by- you know, The idea of being away from home for the first time. So there's some ideas. That's what homesickness is.

It's how to recognize it, How to try and head it off at the past, before you even get to camp, and then some strategies for being able to Deal with it. You have any better ideas about that or you have some comments for me? Do get in touch. You can email me at Scoutmaster CG at Verizonnet.

Email. That is, folks, and here's an answer to one of your emails.

This email came across last week and I'm going to withhold the name and the location of the email because it's a little bit of a Sensitive subject, but here's what it says. I Have an autistic scout in my troop. He's high functioning, He's very intelligent. I've sat down with his parents and I found out what I need to do to best help him out.

The problem is is that his parents don't want him to know, or don't want the other scouts to know, that he's autistic. Now I know that if I was able to tell the scouts this, they would probably rally around him, but apparently he gets a lot of teasing and I'm not supposed to tell any of the scouts that is autistic for fear that they're going to tease him. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

So, yeah, I understand this. I know that parents can be very, very sensitive about sharing any kind of information That may cause anybody to think of them as other than normal or their children as other than normal.

You know, I got to tell you folks. I'm not too sure what normal is.

I think there's a pretty broad definition, But I can understand that. So I would be very careful to respect the parents wishes, even though They might be based on some unfounded fears, as you said in your email. Yeah, I'm, and I agree that most of the time if I Speak with my scouts about a learning difference or or a physical difference of some kind, They're usually very accepting and very tolerant and they get right behind the person in question and help them out And they and they don't tend to bully them or make fun of them or cause any trouble.

But how do you tip the your scouts off that They need to have some special considerations for this boy Without you just sitting down and saying, oh well, you know, he has autism and so you need to treat him this way? I Think that, first of all, this is a pretty familiar thing amongst boys and especially with your older boys. They're probably going to pick this up without you really saying anything. You could do some general talking about different ways people learn and process information about the way scouts support each other and accept Differences, and that. That will probably help strengthen things.

Here's here's a few suggestions like: take the opportunity when you're all sitting around a campfire, Maybe at a patrol leaders council meeting, Maybe as a bit of general discussion during a Scoutmaster's minute at a troop meeting. You know anytime where you might be able to engage in discussion with some of your scouts and Start with something like this.

You know, when I was growing up I remember having a lot of trouble with reading, that ten years ago I would have been identified as having a learning disability. But now we know that some people just learn differently than others. They see the world differently.

Are you guys aware of how you see the world differently from each other? So what I'm doing there is I've cast myself into the story And I have talked a little bit about the situation and then I brought it down to a question to the boys Specifically: what do you guys think about that?

And get them to talk a little bit? Another way to approach it might be something like you know I I was teased a lot about playing the violin when I was in the fifth grade. I suppose we all get teased about something. Your guys, you scouts, have ever been teased about anything.

And how does it feel now? Do you ever tease people about anything?

What do you tease them about? Why do you tease each other? How do you figure it feels when you tease other people.

So you know, again, Starting out with a fairly innocuous little story about me when I was a boy and these little stories about me when I was a boy, I can usually find something. I can usually find something that I can put into it. Or I can say: My friend, one of my best friends when I was a boy, or something like that.

Now I'm not going to fib and I'm not going to just create something out of whole cloth. I might stretch it a little bit but for the sake of illustration, I'm just using these examples to show you how to kind of get a discussion started with your scouts. Here's another one. I was thinking about how we all need help with things.

Sometimes I never could tie knots very well and it used to drive me crazy. I try and I try and I just couldn't remember how to do it. It took a lot of perseverance and a lot of help.

Is there something like that that you scouts have a problem with? You know, has anyone ever helped you with something and you really appreciated it?

Have you ever needed help? But we're afraid to ask because you didn't want people to think that you were stupid or to tease you about it, Then another suggestion might be something along the lines of: you know, One of the things I best like about you scouts is the way you all look after each other And how supportive you are of each other. You should be proud that you guys don't leave out anybody or pick on them because they're different.

Have you ever thought about that? I mean, do you see it too?

Does anyone feel like they're being left out in our troop? And these are just great ways to get discussion started, and what might happen is if the scout in question, your autistic scout, is a part of the discussion, he may very well talk about his autism and You know if, if he's encouraged to, along with other scouts and other scouts are talking about their difficulties, He may very well bring it up, and that pretty well takes care of things for you.

Even if he doesn't do that, you've started to inculcate the idea of acceptance and Interdependence. Now, boys really like to talk about ideas, as long as you don't preach at them.

If you tell stories about yourself and if they're not too stilted and, You know, full of moral lessons and things like that, They will listen. If you ask them about themselves, they like to talk about themselves. Everybody likes to talk about themselves. If you start with trying to explain something like a point of the scout law, They're they're gonna clam up.

If you just stir the pot a little bit and get a conversation started, They'll make the connections with with a little help, And you can always kind of point out at the end of the discussion: Well, that's because you know a scout is friendly or a scout is loyal And and you can leave it at that. The other solution that might work is you can speak confidentially with a couple of your older scouts And you talk about this autistic boy and you say: listen, He needs a little help understanding some things. I've noticed he doesn't seem to catch on to this as easily as some guys.

Have you guys seen that? What can you guys do to help them out?

Now I haven't told them any confidential information that his parents don't want me to share. I've just raised their awareness that somebody needs a little extra help and a little extra attention. There have been lots of times when I've worked on problems or challenges without telling Anybody anything about them.

A quiet word here or there, or a discussion of different ideals and principles, especially, you know, Do concerning one specific individual. What do you see going on there?

Do you think he needs help? How can you help him out?

Is: have you ever seen anybody else who acted this way? Are you familiar with?

You know how he might be thinking or how he might be processing information? There's a lot of different ways to skin this cat And there's a lot of things that you can do. I hope that that information helps and it helps you help that scout.