Scoutmaster Podcast 310

This is Andy McDonald and I am an assistant scoutmaster with Troop 631 in Oviedo, Florida, And this edition of the Scoutmaster podcast is sponsored by backers like me. And now to you, Scoutmaster. Very recently this report came across my desk. It is from a bunch of very dedicated scouters studying different things about camping and scouting at the Large Baden Collider in Zern, Switzerland, And they have just completed a series of experiments that have determined there is actually what is called a tootin common effect. That's right, a tootin common effect, And that is that the urgency with which a person sleeping in a mummy sleeping bag must exit the mummy sleeping bag is in inverse proportion to the air temperature and the degree of difficulty in operating the bag's zipper. It's official, It's science.

What can I say?

Hey, this is podcast number 310.. Hey, Welcome back to the Scoutmaster podcast. This is Clark Greene Speaking as we always do to the mailbag. We heard from an anonymous commenter about our last couple of podcasts. This will be number 3, where we're talking about parents, But for the past couple of podcasts we've talked about different things with parents And they had this to say: the podcasts are all gems, But at this point in the life of our troop, this particular issue is in the top two. Once again, you must be listening in on troop and committee meetings And overhearing parent conversations.

Well, I am not personally, but I do have agents everywhere. You've just armed our Scouts and adult leaders with what they need to educate some of our parents.

How do I educate the other side of the equation, An overbearing troop committee? Maybe we need a committee chair CG podcast to help our committee chair.

The Scouts haven't nailed the parents, Not so much. Well, my anonymous friend, this is pretty much par for the course. This is not something that will ever, ever go away. It's always been there. Since the first troop opened the doors to its meeting room a hundred and some years ago, This issue has always been there. We're always going to be working with the expectations of adults versus the expectations of the Scouting program.

We have to spend time learning to understand what the Scouting program is, because it's very different from most of the other things that we have worked with with young people. So, yeah, it's probably on everybody's top lists of dealing with these issues with parents and with other volunteers.

So don't feel so all alone, And eventually it gets better as you go along. If you just, if you just stick with it. This comment from troop 206 via Twitter: Just listen to podcast 309.. Thanks. Some parents think that we quote unquote- should be Eagle Scouting.

Your opinion, Is it a journey or a destination? Well, that's a pretty softball question, And it's another issue that comes with the territory, and one that gets better as we better understand what Scouting is all about. Naturally, it's about the journey. The destination- Oh, it's a great destination. You become an Eagle Scout. That's great.

Becoming an Eagle Scout is simply an indicator that you've successfully completed the requirements and hopefully, all those Scouts that become Eagle Scouts have also experienced all the wonderful things along the way. We encourage your Scouts to pay attention to what's happening now today in front of them.

Yeah, you should have some goals, but not so that you miss being able to see what's going on along the way, right. Every week, we have a couple of live chat sessions Now. These are usually conducted on Tuesday mornings and Wednesday mornings. You will see an announcement in our Twitter feed and in our Facebook feed that we will be live at scoutmastercgcom. Come and join the many, many people who join us during our live chat sessions Have a lot of folks who show up just about every week and we call those our frequent fliers. But in addition to those, this past week we also heard from Scott Vessel, who is a unit and district chaplain in Central Texas, Adam Albert, who is in Napoleon, Michigan, where he's an assistant scoutmaster with Troop 472, and Jill, who is a scoutmaster of Troop 3 in Sharon, Pennsylvania, and Ken DePascaretta, who's the scoutmaster for Troop 74 in Chelmsford, Massachusetts.

So it was great to hear from everybody on the chat this week. Like I said, keep an eye on the Facebook feed and the Twitter feed and come and join us. It's great fun.

If you're a longtime reader and listener, you will be familiar with the stuff Scouters Say T-Shirt- something we did- oh my gosh, I guess it's about three years ago And I was trying out one way of, you know, making T-shirts and offering them to you. I've found a pretty good solution.

I think I am able to offer you this Stuff Scouters Say T-Shirt at Amazon at what I hope is a reasonable price. Look in the podcast notes for podcast 310 and you'll see a link if you're interested in taking a look at that shirt. And I should tell you if you're not familiar with it. This T-shirt has on it about 200 phrases that scouts say a lot.

Okay, And just to give you an example, I've got a shirt right here Giving an example. What five?

Second rule: Where's the coffee? Do you think that's clean? That's not clean yet.

Do you think that is dry? That is not dry yet.

What were you thinking? Were you thinking at all?

Who has the Advil? No, we're not there yet. No, we are still not there. It's just over this hill.

So you get the idea. About 200 phrases like that.

So when you wear the shirt and you're working with your scouts, you can save your voice by pointing to the phrase on the shirt, And it's just kind of a lot of fun too. So once again in the podcast notes link to wear the shirts available on Amazon. I hope you enjoy it. Hey, if you are a regular reader and listener and the resources we create help you, here's two ways you can return the favor. You can support the podcast by making a one-time payment and becoming a ScoutmasterCGcom backer. Or you can make a subscription payment through Patreon by pledging $5 or more each month.

Now there are special premiums available to anyone who becomes a patron or a backer. And to become a backer, just go to ScoutmasterCGcom, Click the support link at the top of the page and you'll find a number of options that will make you a backer.

To become a patron, go to my Patreon page- And there's a link right at the top of the page at ScoutmasterCGcom too, for Patreon. Or you can go directly to wwwpatreon- p-a-t-r-e-o-ncom, backslash ScoutmasterCG.

And I want to take a moment to personally thank Malcolm Bliss, who became a patron since last week's podcast. So do me a favor, take the time this week, look into becoming a backer or a patron, And I'll make sure to thank you personally during next week's podcast. In this podcast, our third installment talking about parents and scouting, and that is going to take up the remainder of the podcast.

So let's get started, shall we? One of the things that often comes up when we're talking about parents and scouting is their role in the advancement process.

A lot of times parents- especially if younger scouts- will be concerned when other scouts seem to bypass their son in advancement, And they ask a lot of questions about this, because if they were involved in cub scouts, advancement is done more or less by the entire den, And so they've had several years of that and they come to scouting and they find out: oh, that's not exactly the way that it happens in a scout troop, And that can be a little confusing. And even if they do understand that the scout troop is a little different, moms and dads can get a little overheated when it comes to their son's advancement. Sometimes they can be gently dissuaded from this by a quiet reminder of who does what and why, and sometimes not.

So here's my golden rule for working with parents and scouting. An important thing to know is that a scout should never be made to suffer for anything beyond their control, And the attitudes and actions of their parents are usually going to be beyond the scout's control, correct? You don't choose your parents And you don't get to tell your parents how to act.

So that bear is repeating. A scout should never be made to suffer for things beyond their control, And the attitudes and actions of their parents are definitely beyond their control. We don't want scouts to feel put out or to suffer for the attitudes and actions of their parents, And that's why I'm going to encourage you: when it comes to advancement, don't put on the brakes and don't press the gas pedal. The scouts themselves will figure out how much they're interested in advancing, how fast they want to go. Parents don't always understand that and parents may get a little overheated. But, like I said, resist the urge to put on the brake, resist the urge to push the gas pedal.

Let scouts individually figure out how fast they want to advance and accept the fact that in some cases parents are going to be pushing them, and don't make your scouts suffer because their parents are being pushy. When we're talking to parents about advancement, here are a couple of key thoughts for them. Scouts can't fall behind or be bypassed when it comes to advancement. Scouts do things when they want, when they're ready to do them. Some do them faster than others, some do them slower, Sometimes they don't do them at all, And any of one of those three ways of being a scout is perfectly acceptable to me. During the years that they're in a scout troop, some of their fellow scouts are going to advance faster, but that is not necessarily a reflection on an individual scout's intelligence, interest or engagement.

So that's one thing I like to share with parents. That points out that when we're talking about scouts in a scout troop, they can advance at any speed they wish and they can choose to advance not at all.

Now, usually scouts think that's a great idea, until a scout starts advancing too fast and they want to put the brakes on. So there's only one way to earn a rank, There's only one way to earn a merit badge or any other advancement in scouting, and that is to complete the requirements for them. If we agree that there is no such thing as completing the requirements too slowly, we also must agree that there is no such thing as completing the requirements too quickly.

So have plenty of room in your mind and in your heart and in your program for scouts who want to advance quickly and scouts who want to advance slowly, And those will not always be the same scouts, You know. One year slow, next year fast, next year slow. It's the scout's decision. The other really important thing to understand- and a lot of parents don't- is that the fulfillment of merit badge requirements is a matter for merit badge counselors and scouts to decide and not scoutmasters or assistant scoutmasters, except if they also are in the role of a merit badge counselor. What you think about a given requirement in a given situation for a given merit badge with a given scout is really doesn't amount to anything, because the counselor is going to make that decision. And in addition to those two thoughts I would also get out the Guide to Advancement 2015 and make sure parents have all read a reasonably brief but a very important statement in the Guide to Advancement called personal growth is the prime consideration for advancement.

And that is in the Guide to Advancement. It's all numbers right, So get your pencils ready. It's 2.0.0.3,. Personal growth is prime consideration. It's brief, but it's very to the point and it's important thing for parents to know. And it's brief enough for me to read it in its entirety.

Quote: scouting skills- what a young person learns to do- are important, but not as important as the growth achieved through participating in a unit program. The concern is for total, well-rounded development. Age-appropriate, surmountable hurdles are placed before members and as they face them, they learn about themselves and gain confidence. Success is achieved when we fulfill the BSA mission statement and when we accomplish the aims of scouting, Those being character development, citizenship training and mental and physical fitness.

We know we are on the right track when we see youth accepting responsibility, demonstrating self-reliance and caring for themselves and others, When they learn to weave scouting ideals into their lives and when we can see they will be positive contributors to our American society. Though certainly goal-oriented advancement is not a competition. Rather it is a joint effort involving the leaders, the members, other volunteers- such as merit badge counselors or venturing consultants- and the family. Though much is done individually at their own pace, youth often work together in groups to focus on achievements and electives at Cub Scout, then meetings, for example, or participate in a Boy Scout camp out or Sea Scout cruise. As they do this, we must recognize each young person's unique combination of strengths and weaknesses. As watchful leaders, either adult or youth, we lend assistance as called for and encourage members to help each other according to their abilities.

Unquote. So parents should see and read and understand that section of the guide to advancement. They wanna help and that's good. But they do get anxious and that's difficult, but that's also very common. Most scouts are going to go through a period of inactivity. Advancement-wise It's no big deal, but parents don't always know that.

It's difficult to redirect their efforts sometimes. But most scouts are going to survive and thrive in spite of their parents. And I've had a lot of scouts who just aren't interested in advancement at all, Sometimes for a year, sometimes more, and they go on to become Eagle Scouts because when they get it in their minds that it's something they wanna do. You really can't stop them, And I've worked with many, many parents who I would consider to be overly involved in their son's scouting experience And they usually back off and they calm down a little bit if I can talk to them about the nature of scout advancement. But sometimes I don't get anywhere, and that's fine because we're charged to work with our scouts as they come to us.

We can't change what happens at home. Remember my little golden rule: scouts don't get to choose their parents, so we don't make them suffer for what their parents do.

So let's change our tune here for a moment, because before I conclude this three-part series on parents and scouting, I wanted to make some comments about what it's like to be a parent and a scouter at the same time, because characteristics that make a good parent are very similar to those that make a good scouter. But we're not going to impose the same expectations or authority we have for our own children on our scouts.

As adult volunteers in scouting we have to be sure that we divide our roles as parent and a scouter and that we make sure that we understand those two roles and we do our best not to let them mix together. Parents are likely to be more demanding and more critical and more emotional when they deal with their own children. Separating the expectations that you have for your child as your child being their parent and separating the expectations that you have for your child as a scout is a little tricky. You're going to do and say things as a scouter that will make your child proud and you'll probably say and do some things that make them cringe and they will no doubt return the favor for you. And somewhere along the way, occupying both of those roles is going to cause some tension. Let's remember your child's reasons for being a scout are different from your reasons for being a scouter.

Now, sure, you want to spend time with your child but, as we'd expect, they're probably more interested in spending time with their friends when they're with scouts. We also need to understand that parents and children have inside information about each other. They know what goes on at home and at school and at work.

They know each other's history and strengths and weaknesses, and inside information is going to skew your judgment as a scouter, because you know things about your child that nobody else knows, and it's going to skew your child's objectivity when it comes to your role as a scouter because they know things about you that nobody else knows. And, if you haven't figured it out already, every parent has a blind spot, and sometimes several, when it comes to their own children.

So having a trusted fellow scout or help you watch for blind spots and lend some objectivity to this complex pair of relationships that you have with your child can make things a lot easier for you and for your child. Of course, you will return the favor and watch for their blind spots with their children, who are involved with scouts too.

Now if you are a parent and a scouter and you have a child in your unit, I'd urge you not to switch between the roles of scouter and parent all that often. Don't treat a scout as your child one moment and a scout the next. Have a consistent approach that you and your child agree to ahead of time. Some things I see when young scouts and new scouters go on their first couple of camping trips are good illustration of opportunities to keep the two relationships separate.

So let's say, your child wanders over and asks for something during a camping trip. Maybe they forgot to pack something.

The temptation is, of course, to switch into the parent role and run off and make sure they get whatever they forgot, But if a scout approached a scouter with the same request, would we do that? We'd probably end up telling them that scouts are expected to bring their own gear and ask them why they would expect us to have one for them. And this happens too with food. The child doesn't like the food His patrol is preparing. He comes and he finds his parent and tells them, and usually the parent shares some food with them.

So the idea is that if you're a parent and that happens to you, you have to ask yourself: what would a scouter do? What would you tell somebody who wasn't your child? Oh no, This is what you brought for food.

So that's what you're gonna have. And, like I said, those problems are probably gonna come up. But it would be a good idea. If you're really smart, you discuss them with your child ahead of time and you explain that they need to accept the same responsibility for preparing and packing for the trip and for their behavior on the trip as any other scout would, Even though you're gonna be there. You're volunteering to help all the scouts there and it's really not fair for them to depend upon you as a parent in that situation.

Now, all. That being said, you also may wanna arrange for some specific time within a scouting activity where you switch from scouter to parent and you get to be your child's parent for a little while.

Maybe this is a few minutes before bedtime or just after a meal, but you can both walk away from the group for a moment, address any concerns, share your thoughts with one another as parent and child, and then go back to your scout and scouter roles. What we do as parents affects only our children. What we do as scouters affects other people's children. If we understand the difference and prepare our children and ourselves to observe the boundaries between those two roles of being a parent and a scouter, it's very likely we're gonna enjoy scouting together and better help, all of our scouts at the same time. ["Skouts at the Same Time"].